Dear old friend.
You’ve popped back into my mind again recently. Not that you ever really did pop out of it. This time of year always does bring too many thoughts about the past out in me.
This time though, it’s different. People say “Time’s a great healer”. I’ve been waiting and waiting for so many things in my life to heal throughout the years, but yet to find success in those other things. For the first time in nearly four years I’m not wishing for things to go back to how they were.
I no longer constantly crave revisits into our past memories. I don’t daydream about how things could have been and I’ve finally stopped having so many sleepless nights imagining all those conversations that we never had.
Sometimes, I guess people need to fall apart to fall back together again. When we first come back together it was a shock to see how things had changed and moved on in your life and in my “Still stuck in 2012” brain, it was impossible to accept. So, I kept a distance.
Anyone is probably aware just how much I love to slag off social media, but it has it’s purposes. Although, being there for you in person might have been impossible at the time. Social media helped as a way of contact, I knew you were okay even if it was only just a little okay some days. So, it makes this a little strange writing this knowing you might not actually ever read this as your absent to social media. But I have hope.
I think I have hope because it’s the only thing I haven’t tried out properly yet. I have a present and future with someone who is amazing. They have had to put up with hearing all of the repetitive bullshit we went through and they’ve heard of the all the funny stuff we have done and been through, throughout the years. They encouraged me to reach out to you in some way. These letters/ blog posts are always the most honest with emotion.
Maybe we weren’t always 100% honest to each other back then. But girl, if we ever get the chance to see each other again in this life, I will buy you a sausage roll in our favourite cafe and listen to what’s going on and how life is treating you and have a good traditional gossip and laugh about how karma finally caught up with the fools that deserved it.
On one hand, life is too short to want to wait to find out if our friendship will ever have another chapter. On the other, maybe now is still not the time.
But hopefully one day.
I still love, care and miss you always.