Where I’m Supposed To Be.

I posted a photo on Instagram this morning and the caption was long enough, that I could have easily just written about it here. So, I have decided to write about it on here.

Amanda is putting Kaitlyn her own photo album and scrapbook together, so she can add to it as she gets older and Kaitlyn told her she wanted to see mine next time she comes over and it suddenly occurred to me that apart from baby pictures, I haven’t kept proper photo albums. The photos I have are mix up from random holidays, to the last day of leaving primary school and pictures of my 13th birthday. There seems to be a gap between aged 13 to 16. And the ones I do have are that precious, Amanda keeps at her house anyway because I don’t want them damaged in anyway. So in attempt to make up some of the gaps I found some old photos from 2011.

These two photos were taken within days of each other. To the public eye, not many would even see much of a difference in them at all. You’d have to really look closely and have an open mind to play spot the difference here. Feel free to give a few guesses.
The photo on the left was taken by an ex best friend who was *dramatic voice* staring into a world full of secrets yet had no idea or didn’t think any different. You can see the dark bags under my eyes, that are trying to be disguised by the sunlight and slight lighting of the filter. One of the worst fake smiles and again despite the lighting, you can also see how pale I was. The odd thing is, the photo on the left is actually the photo I was more healthier in. 

The photo on the right was after days of an unhealthy routine of hardly eating and walking up and downstairs and walking around the park repeatedly. By doing that I thought it would mentally erase everything. Which was not just an insult to me, but an insult to the life that I was given and living. Although, my sister did do an amazing job of making me look nice. Don’t think I ever did thank her for that, so thanks sis. 😘🙋🏼

I remember not wanting to participate in that day at all, but there were 3 things that made me go: 

 1. I had already promised my best friend we’d go together. 

2. If I didn’t go, I would have been an insult to my younger self had been excited for prom for so long.

 3. Someone told me not to go because they didn’t want anyone finding out things and apparently just looking at me would tell all…which by the way (No one else knew or even cared about our teen drama. Everyone was in their own worlds..duh…it was prom) 

I basically had a couple of mf’s to prove wrong that day. It might not have been exactly how I wanted it to go, but I still did it. I don’t normally like looking back at these photos from 2011, but the difference in myself now compared to that time is amazing. I’m not that person who keeps so many secrets to herself anymore. I don’t have half of the unhealthy habits I used to. Life might not be exactly how I imagined, but I wouldn’t change any part of it. 💕


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