Last week I attempted to do something that could change my whole life in a positive direction. Along with that positive direction comes things from the past. The last time I did it and the people who were there. People who attempted ruin my future. Who still continues to harass me online, which is probably all adding to the anxiety.
Last week I completely dissociated from reality. I haven’t been able to bring myself back since then. Normally I can go a couple of days feeling dissociated and then I just come back to reality, but this time I can’t. Ive tried everything from distractions to grounding, mindfulness. Everything I know, I’ve tried it and still nothing.
I’ve been stuck feeling depressed all week, crying and having no hope. It’s like, I know deep down I’m here, but my head is not agreeing.
Yesterday I felt that low and suicidal we had to get a duty worker out as my therapist wasn’t working. She asked some questions and suggested that it could be the medication making it worse as in New to starting it.
The one thing I haven’t done, is the one thing that I might have to do. Accept this is how I’m currently feeling and live with it until it passes. And if it doesn’t, deal with that when the time comes.