I haven’t really spoken about this topic much on this blog before, I have mentioned a few things in passing posts, but after seeing something on Instagram I finally feel the need to actually speak up about this.
Yesterday, after scrolling through some posts on Instagram, I came across a friend’s post. It was a birth mother quote, that I immediately liked and read through the comments and I was honestly shocked to see the ignorance in the comments. Someone said how selfish she was for “abandoning” her child. The way he worded it, showed just what a troll he really was. The most shocking thing was, when I went to his Instagram profile he turned out to be a 43 year old, Christian man with children.
You’d think someone of that age, who has children would be mature and understanding. Mind you, after many worldwide shocks recently….nothing should shock us.
I’m not an expert when it comes to adoption, but as someone who has been where my friend has been in this situation, I know a little of what I’m talking about. First of all, every adoption is different. Not everyone who chooses adoption is “abandoning” their child. The example of a real abandonment by a parent would be someone emotionally or physically neglecting their child or leaving them completely. Which is exactly what my mother did with me, She emotionally neglected me for years, until one day she picked alcohol and men completely, left and never looked back.
Birth mother’s who put their child’s needs and happiness before their own don’t get enough recognition for the bravery that they go through and the struggles that they continue to face years after. I’ve kept this pretty private up until the last year or so and as I am becoming this new me, I am wanting to start sharing experiences I have faced.
Like I said, I can relate to my friends posts. Without going through all of the ins and out of this, a “few” years ago I found out that I was pregnant. I was in a really bad situation and I didn’t want to tell anyone. I told a couple of friends at the time who were extremely supportive. I decided I would do what I could to hide myself away so no one would notice and I waited until someone actually said something.
As months went on the environment that I was living in was not a safe place anymore. I knew there was no way that I wanted to bring someone into a world that would be surrounded by all of that. One of my best friends had an auntie and uncle who he was staying with at the time at he mentioned that she had been trying to have a baby for years, but she wasn’t able to. These are people who had took me into their home when things got to bad at home. They did so much for me and I knew they would look after that baby like their own.
That was the decision I made and I knew that people obviously were going to find out, but the weekend it happened was the weekend of a family members wedding. Because they had gone away, which resulted in not a lot of people finding out. Without giving out too much information as her now adoptive parents wouldn’t want too much broadcasted. Her name is Kaitlyn, she’s 5 and was born 26th June.
Not all parents who choose adoption for their children are horrible people. Most of us only want happiness and love for them. Because of the fear of judgement, for the past few years I felt ashamed. But you know what? The living proof and happiness that has come from that one big, brave decision is all that matters. So, before you know someone’s full story, don’t be quick to judge and write nasty things on their personal posts.
Until, the next blog post……….HAPPY EARLY EASTER!!! 🙂